New International Trade Secretary Liz Truss has announced that her department has secured supplies of Boris Johnson’s favourite wine in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
There had been concerns that Mr Johnson would have to tolerate an inferior wine from the South Coast of England, but happily, Ms Truss and her team have swung into action to ensure a ready stock of Chateau La Mission Haut-Brion for the foreseeable future.
“I am pleased to announce that there will be a constant supply of the Haut-Brion for Boris and his.. er.. companions to enjoy,” she confirmed earlier.
“It is due to no small effort by my team at International Trade, but I like to think that in securing the supply of Mr Johnson’s wine, it is one less problem for the nation to worry about.
“It is, after all, one thing for people to endure food and medicine shortages, it is quite another to imagine the Prime Minister suffer the indignity of drinking English wine.”
Boris supporters were thrilled at the news.
“Tremendous news,” said a Boris Johnson supporter, somewhat inevitably called Simon Williams.
“A real blow to those nay-sayers who say that Britain will be unable to endure a no-deal Brexit.
“I bet there are some pretty red-faces amongst those snowflakes now!”
It is understood that Ms Truss and her team’s next task will be to secure a ready supply of Boris’s favourite aged Manchego cheese and buffalo tomatoes.
Just as soon as supplies to keep Boris’s larder well-stocked have been secured, it is thought the department will start work on ensuring the nation doesn’t run out of toilet paper.