News that Britain has ‘renewed sense of optimism’ forces EU to capitulate on Irish backstop

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Reports from Brussels seem to indicate that the EU is now prepared to capitulate on the much-hated backstop and grant Britain incredibly favourable trading terms in forthcoming negotiations.

It seems that the capitulation has been forced by the UK pulling together with a renewed sense of optimism following calls from new Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“I think that when Britain was divided and riven with pessimism about life after Brexit, the EU could remain resolute in its intention to protect the interests of it, and its members,” explained British negotiator Simon Williams.

“But I went in there yesterday and told them that Boris Johnson was Prime Minister and that the country had a renewed sense of optimism and Michel Barnier just started crying and said he’d forget the backstop, give us a brilliant trade deal and do we want Belgium?”

Michel Barnier has made a statement confirming the matter.

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“I would like to humbly apologise to Britain for the previous appalling deal. Now that your great nation has a renewed sense of optimism, and have clearly all pulled together, everything is definitely different.

“We know our place as foreigners who would have lost the war without you, and we promise to treat you as our superiors, as you surely are.”

It has been confirmed that there were no new negotiating positions, further research, or strategy work needed to secure the new deal, as you don’t need to bother with any of that when you’ve pulled together with a renewed sense of optimism.

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