Chris Grayling accidentally burns down local McDonald’s six minutes into new job

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Chris Grayling’s new job is off to a typically disastrous start.

The former transport secretary left the Conservative party to pursue a new career path working as a staff member at McDonald’s in Kettering town centre.

“And now look at it,” sighed Simon Williams, McDonald’s shift manager, surveying the smoking embers of his place of employment.

“When he came in I really advised against hiring him, but I was convinced that he couldn’t possibly do any harm as long as we kept him on the tills and away from the fat fryers, the burger stations or any sharp objects.

“Next thing I know, his till has exploded, four customers are dead and the building is ablaze.

“How did this man ever get a big job in the government? It buggers belief.

“Yes, I know what the actual phrase is, thanks. But I prefer mine.”

Chris Grayling said, “I’m aware that mistakes have been made” while firefighters tried to contain the blaze behind him.

“I think it’s important that we move forward and focus on the good aspects of today.

“For example, I managed to tie my own shoes without breaking my neck and I opened three doors this morning without breaking anybody’s nose.”