In dramatic scenes today, the Conservative Party has voted for Boris Johnson to return to Brussels and repeat the same offer loudly and slowly until the foreigners get it.
The EU has repeatedly rejected the proposals because they’re a bit slow and obviously didn’t understand them the first time, but senior figures within the party are confident that somebody new saying loudly saying ‘SPEAKEE ENGLISHEE’ will break the deadlock.
“The first time we explained the deal we’re after, Michel Barnier just cupped one ear and said ‘Que?’, so we think there’s room for movement there,” said MP Simon Williams.
”All Boris has to do to make Parliament happy is get the deal we have been specifically told isn’t on the table – and he can do that by raising his voice and enunciating ev-er-y syl-lab-ble. Like that,” he said.
“If I were Prime Minister I would have done it by now. It would have been dead easy, but I know how to talk to foreigners as I holiday in the Peloponnese every year.”