Thursday 25 July 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Being on fire no excuse for missing work, confirm HR departments


On fire in the heat

As much of the country is set to be on fire today, many people will be looking to work from home or possibly be even excused from work.

However, HR departments across the country have confirmed that being on fire is not an acceptable reason for not coming into the office.

“Yeah, I woke up this morning and the wife took one look at me and said, you can’t go into work like that, you’re on fire,” explained Simon Williams, an envelope-pusher from Chelmsford, Essex.

“So, I phoned up work and said that I was on fire and would they mind if I worked from home, you know, I didn’t want anyone else to catch fire off of me.

“Apparently though, being on fire isn’t on the officially sanctioned list of reasons for working at home. So, you know, I’m going to have to go out in the sun, which will probably make being on fire even worse, then go and sit at my desk on fire and try to work while being on fire.

“I’m not looking forward to it, if I’m honest.”

Eleanor Gay is a representative of British HR departments.

“If you are on fire, and there are no other symptoms, then you will be expected to come into the office. We will be looking at this policy as global warming sees more days where people are on fire, but we’re not there yet.”

Official advice if you are on fire is to drink plenty of water and stay in the shade.

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