Wednesday 24 July 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Quiet incompetent replaced by loud incompetent


Boris and Theresa

A quiet incompetent has been replaced by a loud incompetent, it was revealed yesterday.

The quiet incompetent was considered far too quiet to adequately perform the tasks allocated her, and it is expected that the loud incompetent will be far more successful at performing the tasks because he is loud.

“Well, of course he’ll be better, he’s loud, isn’t he?” explained Simon Williams, a deluded person who likes loud things.

“The problem with the last one was that she was all quiet and meek and no one took any notice of her.

“Now we’ve got someone who will crash into things and shout, bellow and bluster, and that’s definitely going to sort everything out, isn’t it?”

Mr Williams didn’t believe that the fact the loud incompetent is as incompetent as the quiet incompetent was of any concern at all.

“Well, I haven’t given it much thought, if I’m totally honest. The competence bit isn’t anywhere near as important as the volume bit, everyone knows that.

“No, the key thing here is definitely the fact that the new guy is really quite shouty, loud and boisterous. Certainly, the great advances made by humanity– penicillin, harnessing fire, creating Hi-di-hi – they were all achieved by shouting and being loud in the face of adversity.

“As far as I know.”

It is thought that the loud incompetent will require replacement soon and many hope that when that moment arrives, it is the competence of the candidate that is considered this time, rather than the volume.

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