Wednesday 24 July 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Nation horrified to realise it wasn’t a dream


nightmare that Boris is Prime minister

A bleary-eyed nation has found itself shocked and horrified this morning to realise that it wasn’t a dream.

Boris Johnson has become the actual, real-life Prime Minister.

“I woke up this morning and had this wonderful feeling of blissful ignorance,” explained Simon Williams, a nose-blowing auditor from Ely.

“I was just putting the milk on my coco pops when, all of a sudden, this wave of reality crashed over me and I understood that the scruffy shit one from Have I Got News For You was Prime Minister of the country.”

It is thought that in almost every house in the country, tea was spilt or cups were dropped as the realisation hit that everyone hadn’t just had an incredibly vivid dream of national humiliation.

“I woke up, and said to my husband that I’d had this bizarre dream that Boris Johnson had become Prime Minister,” explained Eleanor Gay, a Mum-of-thirty-six from Chelmsford.

“He sort of smiled and said he’d had the same dream, then it hit us both what had really happened and we just held each other.”

The only hope left to the country is that the realisation that it wasn’t all a dream, was actually a dream, and any moment now, everyone will wake up to find there is a sensible person in charge of the country.

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