Wednesday 24 July 2019 by Jonboy

Boris Johnson appoints Cry-Laughing emoji as spokesperson


Boris Johnson has announced that his new official spokesperson will be the Cry-Laughing emoji.

The new Prime Minister described the emoji as “a cheerful little chappie, tremendous fun at parties”, and said he had “full confidence” that the emoji would accurately reflect his views on any given issue.

At an impromptu press conference, the emoji explained the new administration’s position on key issues.

When reporters asked about the likely catastrophic impact of a no-deal Brexit on food, medicine and jobs, the spokesperson answered, “😂.”

Asked to comment on the UN’s finding that the nation’s prolonged period of austerity was “an ideological project causing pain and misery” on millions of UK citizens, the spokesperson said, “😂.”

And when asked about the alleged use of UK-manufactured weapons to kill Yemeni children, the emoji replied, “😂😂😂.”

The Cry-Laughing emoji reportedly won the Prime Ministerial spokesperson role ahead of rivals Cyril Sneer from the Raccoons and Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons, mainly because he looks better in a suit.

Media analyst Simon Williams told us, “The Cry-Laughing emoji is absolutely perfect for the role as Boris’ spokesperson and confidant.

“He encapsulates Boris Johnson’s new regime flawlessly, with his steadfast refusal to take anything seriously; as well as the prevailing public emotions of indifference and spiteful mockery that have made a Boris Johnson premiership possible.

“The emoji can be relied on to maintain a consistent line on a range of different topics, and that line is ‘Ha ha! Suck it up, losers!’

“It really is the public face of modern Britain, a spokesperson for the shitegeist.”

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