Theresa May is to put her Brexit deal to Parliament one last time today for old times’ sake.
She will spend the final day of her stint as Prime Minister standing in front of a hostile House of Parliament hoarsely trying to convince MPs of the merits of her deal in a nostalgic throwback to much happier times.
“I think, when all’s said and done, the thing I’ll miss most is putting my Brexit deal before Parliament,” explained Mrs May, wistfully.
“Standing there insisting that this was the only Brexit deal available while everyone shouted at me, they were great times.”
Today will be her last chance to put forward her deal.
“I couldn’t resist, really. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be able to do anything imaginative for my last day as PM, because I’m as imaginative as a thing that isn’t very imaginative.”
As is traditional, Mrs May will introduce the Bill, Rory Stewart will then appear on the TV to try and defend the Bill, Iain Duncan Smith will then appear on TV to call the bill a load of old rubbish, the bill will then be voted down in a record breaking defeat and everyone goes home to bed.
“I’ll miss it when it’s gone, I really will,” sighed Mrs May, as she went off to Parliament.
It is expected that the bill will, as ever, be voted down before a new Johnson administration comes in to introduce a no-deal Brexit that will make Theresa May’s deal seem like Christmas.