Boris Johnson has a difficult first few days in office ahead of him, according to sources close to the imminent Prime Minister.
With the announcement this morning that the rich, privileged blonde Tory has beaten the rich, privileged brunette Tory to the top job, the first thing on his mind will be which lucky young lady he will invite into Downing Street with him.
Sir Simon Williamsby-Toffer, a friend of his from the Bullingdon Club days explained to reporters what lay in store for Prime Minister Johnson, saying, “Jeremy put up a good fight, but Boris always knew he’d stroll into Number Ten with no problems.
“But now the real work starts – and before he decides who to have in his cabinet, or what to do about the Iranians seizing our tankers, he’ll have to roll a dice to see which of his current young strumpets moves in with him.
“After all, you can’t have a single bloke moving into Downing Street by himself – people want to see a leader who has settled in a long term, committed relationship for at least a fortnight.”
He went on, “Carrie is the obvious choice, but no-one – including Boris – knows exactly where she is hiding since that incident at her flat.
“There was a waitress who was a bit flirty with him the other day, so perhaps he’s moved on to her, or possibly he’ll shack up with one of those fine fillies from the swinging club that we both attend.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
It is anticipated that Boris Johnson will move into Downing Street tomorrow evening, after the stain that has been there for the last three years has been fully removed by cleaning experts.