PM’s final speech warns of dangerous political climate she helped create

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Theresa May has issued a stark warning against the politics of absolutism, which she has done absolutely nothing to prevent.

The ever-more-haunted Theresa May gave her thoughts during her outgoing speech, which featured a disappointing lack of tomato throwing from the audience.

“Be careful of the current political climate which I have helped to nurture,” declared the Prime Minister.

“Phrases such as ‘Brexit means Brexit’, which I have been saying for years, only serves to divide and disappoint the electorate, as you’ve seen from my absolutely flawless division and disappointment of said electorate.

“It is vital that we, as politicians, stand up to people like Donald Trump, to whom I have done nothing but toady to since taking over as Prime Minister.

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“It is absolutely vital that the next Prime Minister looks at everything I’ve done and does the exact opposite – by which I mean they should lead with gumption, clarity and a sense of fair play.

“Also, fuck Boris. Cheers, bye.”