Trump’s comments are totally unacceptable, insists man who refers to black children as picaninnies

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Tory racist Boris Johnson has joined other Tory racist Theresa May in condemning Donald Trump’s suggestion that congresswomen of colour go back to the countries they came from.

“This sort of language went out decades ago and thank heavens for that,” said Boris who only uses sensitive twenty-first-century vocabulary such as ‘picaninnies’ and ‘watermelon smiles’ – as he did in a 2002 Telegraph column describing the Commonwealth.

“Those poor congresswomen – it’s not as if they come from Papa New Guinea where there are orgies of cannibalism,” continued Boris, repeating racist comments he made in 2006.

“Just because someone was born in a backward country like Africa, it doesn’t mean they have to stay there.”

That’s right – despite receiving widespread criticism for calling an entire, hugely diverse continent a ‘country’ at the 2016 Tory Party conference Johnson still has the geographical awareness of a caged hamster. Well, he was only Foreign Secretary.

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Having thoroughly criticised Trump Boris turned to his advisors.

“There, will that do?” he asked.

“Obviously I don’t want to actually call him racist because I’m about to become the bloody Prime Minister and we need to be chums.”

Off the record, Boris then phoned Trump to offer his advice on how the congresswomen should actually be dealt with.

It was the same advice he gave to his successor at the Spectator about how to handle the magazine’s female publisher.

“Just pat them on the bottom and send them on their way,” he said.

It was a philosophy he had lived his entire life by and it was about to see him get the keys to Downing Street.