Tuesday 16 July 2019 by Gary Stanton

Once great nation that put men on the moon unable to get c*nt out of White House


Trump in white house

A once proud nation that sent three men to the moon is unable to transport an orange, racist c*nt out of the White House, it has emerged.

The mission to eject President Trump out of office, dubbed Apollo 18 in a nod to Adolf Hitler, has been beset by delays ever since the grotesque alpha bellend moved his stuff in.

For the voyage from the Oval Office to the front lawn to be successful, the US President must achieve an escape velocity of five metres per second, which can be achieved only by a well-placed kick up the arse or by coaxing him out with a picture of a vagina.

However, technical difficulties remain and it is highly unlikely that a republican will be found with a backbone strong enough to withstand the incredible forces unleashed by the ordeal.

US Senator, Chuck Williams, said, “We do these things not because they are easy, but because we’ve erected a massive studio near Area 51 with a team of actors on standby in case things go tits up.

“Tom Hanks is already on board.

“Once out, the President will be placed in a geostationary orbit where we can assess whether white supremacy can survive in a zero-gravity environment on Rich Tea biscuits and Fanta.

“Whether the President can remain alive in a location with no atmosphere whatsoever is highly debatable, but he once sat through a five-course meal with Phillip Hammond and he came out of that alright.”

He added, “We’ll do our very best, but we really need the expertise of individuals who are used to drifting aimlessly in a void, without any semblance of purpose or direction for months on end.

“This is where we think the British can help us.

“It’s going to be one giant leap for mankind, one small leap for a c*nt.”

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