I utterly condemn Donald Trump’s tweets but I won’t tell you why, insists courageous Boris Johnson

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Prime Minister-in-waiting Boris Johnson has reacted to the US President’s Twitter rant, in which he told BAME congresswomen to ‘go home’, by bravely declaring they were completely unacceptable but refusing to say why as it might upset Donald Trump.

Although branded by many as the gesture of either a coward or a fellow racist, some people believe the fence-sitting was a brilliant strategic move. As explained Simon Williams, International Affairs editor for the Express.

He told us, “The diplomatic reality is that we are going to have to become Trump’s pet monkey if we don’t want our entire economy to be based around selling Harry Potter tat to Chinese tourists.

“And I don’t mean just sucking up to him. I’m talking about joining in on a war with Iran, accepting that American commercial law supersedes our own, whatever horrific things they do with chicken and making Donald Trump the Duke of Gloucester. So you can’t just indulge in sentimental condemnations.”

Mr Williams believed the refusal to condemn racist language would not harm Mr Johnson’s prospects if he didn’t too it too often.

“The racism is not as problematic as you think. Remember that Boris is courting Tory members and a lot of them are still grumbling quietly about mixed marriages.

“And, let’s be honest, he’s said worse shit himself. It’s just that Trump rubs people the wrong way so no one likes to see our politicians grovel in front him. Remember that picture of him and May holding hands? Still queasy about it aren’t you?

“British people want their leaders to be strong and make vile racist comments in an acceptable manner. Like highly lucrative columns in the Daily Telegraph.”