Noel Gallagher to release bagpipes album

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The Oasis star’s ‘feud’ with Scottish singer-songwriter Lewis Capaldi may just be a cynical ploy to promote his new album of traditional bagpipe music.

Noel Gallagher has been laying into Lewis Capaldi lately, calling the Scotsman an idiot and comparing his singing to Star Wars’ Chewbacca. He also referred to Scotland as a ‘Third World country’.

However, it has now been revealed that Gallagher actually loves all things Scottish, so much so that his next album will include just a single instrument – the bagpipes.

“Yeah, I’ve always loved the bagpipes,” explained Noel. “Ever since I heard Mull of Kintyre as a kid – which I’m sure everyone will agree is by far the best song Paul McCartney ever wrote.

“Whenever I hear bagpipes I just get this fucking spine tingle, do you know what I mean? I only let Our Kid sing my songs back in the day cos I thought his whine sounded a bit like bagpipes.

“Anyway, my last album had a tin whistle band on it so this just felt like a natural progression.

“The first half of the record will be more traditional music – ‘Scotland the Brave,’ ‘Amazing Grace’ and shit like that.

“The second half of the album will then be bagpipe arrangements of classic Oasis tunes but with more Scottish sounding names – you know, ‘Jock ‘n’ Roll Star,’ ‘The Master Clan,’ ‘Fags and Bevvies,’ that sort of thing.

“There’ll also be a cover of ‘I am the Walrus’ called ‘I am the Scotch Eggman’.

“It’s gonna be fucking mega.”