Thursday 11 July 2019 by Chris Ballard

Milk Tray man arrested after scaling Buckingham Palace gates


Buckingham Palace milk tray man

A man dressed all in black and armed with a box of chocolates has been arrested after attempting to break into Buckingham Palace in the middle of the night.

A 38-year-old – who calls himself the ‘Milk Tray Man’ but whose real name is Simon Williams – was arrested by specialist royal officers and held on suspicion of trespass with intent to use working-class chocolates.

“The individual was carrying a box of chocolates which attempted to give the appearance of being vaguely posh but which were actually bought while they were on special in Tesco,” said a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police Service.

“That might pass muster with Nan on her birthday but would in no way be an appropriate gift for Her Majesty.

“A search of his black jumpsuit also revealed a grappling hook and miniature hang glider.

“It’s fair to say Her Majesty had a near miss – imagine if she’d eaten one of those awful strawberry creams. Doesn’t bear thinking about.”

Mr Williams was unrepentant when asked to explain his actions.

“I did it for the same reason I do anything,” he said. “Because the lady loves Milk Tray.

“I’ll try again when she’s staying at Balmoral – security isn’t as tight and there’s more scope for jumping off mountains.

“Ultimately it’s the Queen who’s lost out. What woman wouldn’t want to wake up to evidence that a strange man had crept into her bedroom while she slept?

“It’s incredibly romantic. Right?”

The Palace declined to comment on the incident other than to say that, “The Queen’s more of a Celebrations girl.”

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