Thursday 11 July 2019 by Arabin Patson

I will deliver Brexit by thoroughly pissing off the people who will carry it out, says Boris Johnson


Boris Johnson and the civil service

Boris Johnson has taken a vital first step in the process of leaving the EU by completely alienating the staff he will depend on to get anything done, should he get into Downing Street.

Simon Williams MP, a gout-afflicted cretin that support Boris Johnson, explained that enraging the people who know every little dirty secret and control all the machinery of government was a brilliant tactical play.

He went on, “The highly professional global network created by the FCO over decades will be essential to obtain the trade deals and political concessions the UK will need if it wants to still be in the G20 this time next year.

“That’s why wily Boris has shown the diplomats who run this network that he will trash their career just to get a thumbs up from a thin-skinned sexual predator.

“A little kick up the backside for the Sir Humphreys out there. It’s not like they have any way of retaliating. Because if there’s one person who has nothing to worry about from government leaks, it’s Boris.”

Many people on the left were also rejoicing at the new dynamics between the Tory leadership and Whitehall, as explained Amanda Tinnock, political editor for the Guardian newspaper.

“I think we are going to enter a golden age of open government when Boris becomes PM. I suspect every single tiny fuck-up and tawdry detail will somehow find its way to a front-page within hours.

“Even better, since Boris couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery, if the mandarins don’t play along then Brexit is fucked.”

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