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Sir Kim Darroch has resigned as the UK’s ambassador to the USA.
After emails from Sir Kim were leaked, which described the current White House as “inept”, “clumsy” and “just shit”, President Trump went on to describe the former ambassador as “a very stupid guy”.
Sir Kim, who was due to step down from the post in December, decided to step down in order to quell the controversy and start his fishing trip early.
“Whatever,” said Sir Kim, packing the last of his personal items into a carboard box.
“I don’t want to be responsible for bringing any form of hardship or controversy to her majesty’s government. God knows, they can generate enough of that by themselves.
“If I have offended President Trump with my wholly accurate assessment of the circus he’s running over there, then I am very sorry. I hope the witless little bastard can forgive me.
“I am disappointed that I won’t get the chance to sit down for a chat with Ivanka Trump in the same way I’d be disappointed if my proctologist cancelled our six-monthly appointment.
“I’m off to do literally anything else with my time. Good luck to the next poor sod who has to deal with this shitshow.”
