Wednesday 10 July 2019

Amazon’s Alexa to wait until you have visitors before asking how your haemorrhoids are doing


Alexa NHS

A partnership between Amazon and the NHS will see Alexa devices ask you about embarrassing ailments whenever you have company.

The smart devices will respond to queries about health matters, but will also check in on your from time to time to ensure symptoms have not got any worse.

Amazon customer Simon Williams told us, “I’ve been running a beta version of the updated Alexa programme since last month – and it certainly works, though I wasn’t particularly pleased when it paused a Bruce Springsteen album during a recent visit from the in-laws to enquire about the state of my arse grapes.

“Nothing chills a living room during afternoon tea like a smart home device loudly enquiring if there has been any rectal bleeding.

“I think, with hindsight, maybe sharing medical information with a device that regularly fails to play the correct song was something of a mistake.”

The government has defended the new project, insisting it will help alleviate an NHS under increasing strain.

The man behind the new innovation, health secretary Matt Hancock, told reporters, “As a government, we are always looking for new ways to improve the NHS, which as everyone will surely agree is definitely a good thing.

“After carefully reviewing the entire NHS, the only options available to us were to give more money to the NHS to improve the services provided, or to alleviate some pressure on the NHS by giving your personal health information to the biggest retailer on the planet.

“It was a total no-brainer.”

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