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Having political beliefs that are neither horrifyingly right wing nor idiotically left wing is the worst position you could possibly take, according to a member of Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet today.
MP Simon Williams said, “I literally can’t think of anything worse than having political views that sit somewhere in the middle of the broad spectrum of British politics.
“Maybe if you combined Jack the Ripper with that woman who was caught on camera putting a cat in a bin. No, that’s just not even close to the evils of centrism, is it?”
“An old University friend hurt me deeply a while ago by announcing that he thought Brexit was a pile of shite, that it should be cancelled, and that socialism was never going to happen so we’d better focus on reducing C02 emissions.
“What a pile of offensive filth. I told him to crawl back up Tony Blair’s penis and kill himself in there, following the official guidance handed out by the Labour party.
“No, I’m not sure what the definition of centrism is, but it definitely involves not being 100% behind Jeremy Corbyn and thinking that Brexit is a terrible idea. It’s truly the worst thing there is.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll see how I can bring Israel into it.”
