Thursday 4 July 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Full-grown adults getting wound up by the ethnicity of a f*cking mermaid


Woman angry that little mermaid will be black

The Little Mermaid is to be played by Halle Bailey, and for some unfathomable reason, that’s worthy of some people’s anger.

Like most mermaids, the character of Ariel is utterly fictitious and is therefore open to interpretation in a way that real life people are not, which gives filmmakers the absolute right to cast whoever they damn well want.

“I’m not a racist, this is just a really important issue,” disagreed Facebook mum, Hannah Berkins, telling two lies in one sentence.

“Ariel needs to be white. It’s really integral to her character. I mean, imagine if we got Bruce Willis to play SHAFT. There’d be an outcry. This is the same thing.”

Filmmaker, Jay Cooper, countered “No it fucking isn’t.

“Shaft is ‘the black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks’. Shaft being black is actually part of his character.

“Conversely, Ariel is not and has never been known as ‘the white mermaid bitch who’s a sex machine to all the fish’, and good thing too, because that would be weird, although I bet there’s definitely a market for something like that.”

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