Thursday 4 July 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Donald Trump unveils statues of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to celebrate Independence Day


Independence day statue

Donald Trump is making sure everybody remembers the events of the first Independence Day with the unveiling of two new statues to celebrate the lives of the brave heroes who saved the world.

Standing outside the White House, the President unveiled the statues of “two of American history’s greatest heroes” which turned out to be two fictional characters from a film.

“Captain Steven Hiller and David Levinson, everybody,” said the President, to a bemused crowd who had gathered in the vain hope he might choose today to say something meaningful.

“Come on folks, how about a round of applause and a little respect? These fellas blew up a spaceship for you, you know.

“To this day, I remain in awe of David Levinson’s ability to crack an alien signal on a Windows laptop. It’s quite something, folks, it really is.

“And Captain Steven Hiller? He worked out how to successfully fly a UFO! I didn’t even know black people were allowed to fly planes. This was a huge achievement, it really was.”

Whitehouse insider, Chuck Williams, told us, “Yeah, we know.

“This is the tip of the iceberg. Yesterday he wanted to open a memorial plaque for all the lives lost at Nakatomi Tower.

“He can’t distinguish between films and documentaries. To him, if it’s on the television, then it must be real. Which is why him watching so much Fox News is such a bad idea for the country.

“On the plus side, I can’t wait to show him Avatar. He’s going to shit through his eyes.”

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