Brexit Party lodges official complaint after all EU commission jobs given to Europe-loving foreigners

author avatar by 5 years ago

Brexit Party MEPs took some time off from tweeting pictures of office equipment in disgust, to complain that all key roles in the EU will unfairly be given to people who believe in the institution and are competent enough to fulfil their duties.

In a press release following the action, the Brexit Party explained that the nominations showed ‘blatant bias towards people who are capable and willing to do the job’.

It continued, “Once again, the EU has shamelessly nominated foreigners who know something about the institution and who plan to be around for more than 6 months.

“We ask, where are the jobs for shady real estate speculators from Lincoln who can’t even spell Brussels? Why do the kommissars only look at proven records of building consensus and enacting sensible policy but yet dismiss important skills like being able to rile up senescent racists with glowsticks?”

However, the EU Council denied claims that the selection criteria were manipulated to exclude British candidates, as explained spokesperson Sigmund Wilhelms.

“Nominating people to become commissioners or head the ECB is a rigorous process that mainly involves getting Germany and France to decide on who should run things.”

Asked why no Britons were considered, Mr Wilhelms explained that coincidence – not conspiracy – were to blame.

“It’s a different perspective on what constitutes leadership. We prefer thoughtful people who have demonstrated their competence, whereas Britain prefers to follow people who pointlessly insult minorities or look vaguely familiar because they pop up on quiz shows or at music festivals.

“Also, we require all senior officials to speak three or more languages and we understand such an ability is still legally considered witchcraft in the UK.”