Wednesday 3 July 2019 by Frances Ward

Boris Johnson tells Tory members in Northern Ireland that Brexit is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow


Boris tells northern ireland about the pot of gold

Tory leadership hopeful, Boris Johnson nailed it with Northern Irish Tory party members by explaining the success of Brexit in terms they would understand by deploying the apt analogy of green-suited leprechauns finding the gold bounty at the end of a rainbow.

Johnson adviser, Simon Williams said, “He absolutely crushed it. To be sure – to be sure. Ah, it’s infectious, so it is. Get me a pint a’ Guinness ye feckin’ eejit, ye! They absolutely love that shit.

“We’re having a rare old time. I mean the graffiti’s all crazy bleak and I didn’t get much of the happy-go-lucky vibe – more stone men from the Game of Thrones, if you know what I mean – but we made it work.

“Boris was buzzing. We weren’t sure about the green suit and hat, but with his whole mad blonde mop going on, it worked a treat. You should have seen their little Irish faces, especially when he started skipping around, throwing the gold coins and screaching, ‘I’ll not rest till I have me gold’.

“I mean, on the QT, they’ve had their billion already, so they can whistle their flutes for any more handouts, but from a leadership election point of view they lapped that shit up – open-mouthed awe is how I would best describe it.

“Now we’re off to see the Welsh Tories. We have to toss a coin to decide who’s dressing up as the sheep he’s going to simulate shagging on stage. The Boris campaign is just serious mad-balls. Time of my life, mate.”

One Northern Irish Tory member commented, “He made a clear commitment to leaving the EU on 31st October, do or die, so he’s got my vote.”

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