Tuesday 2 July 2019 by France Ward

‘Sock awareness month’ launched to target bare-ankled dickheads


Man with shoes and no socks

Concern for the growing lack of sock usage amongst men as old as 35, has led to the launch of a campaign to both spread knowledge of the existence socks for feet and to de-twattify an entire class of men who aren’t wearing any.

The alarming rise in grown men between 18 and 35 baring their rancid ankles in public, has led to the only logical conclusion that some men are unaware of the existence of socks, along with self-awareness and eye-contact, thus making them genuinely ambivalent arseholes.

Campaign founder, Simon Williams said, “Sock ignorance is a by-product of our current age of hyper-apathy. Men have generally not given a shit about much, but we could at least rely upon a basic level of foot coverage when trousers and shoes are in play.

“It has become a huge societal problem. The ones with white trainers and those weird jogger-long john trouser monstrosities buying rizlas from the garage are one thing, but the growing rise of sock-less men who wear suits to work and have actual jobs that impact on peoples’ lives is alarming.

“We are committed to tackling this scourge, and will stop at nothing to educate the lanky streaks of piss about the corrosive effect their selfish conduct is having on others.

As sock awareness month begins, not everyone has welcomed the campaign with open arms.

As one millennial told us, “Some guy was giving away these woolly cock warmers, so I took a couple just to shut him up.

“It’s something to spaff into, I suppose.”

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