Having sat patiently by his letterbox every day for the last two months, Jeremy Corbyn has concluded that his invitation to appear at Glastonbury again must have been lost in the post.
Mr Corbyn, who contrary to appearances is technically the leader of the opposition, drew a huge crowd when he appeared at the festival two years ago, and had naturally expected a return invite after proving popular with the fans.
“I just don’t know why my invite hasn’t arrived yet,” he told us this morning.
“In 2017 I drew a massive crowd at Glastonbury, everyone was singing ‘Oh, Jeremy Corbyn’ to the tune of Seven Nation Army, and Stormzy was texting me daily to invite me to visit his ‘crib’, whatever that means.”
He went on, “I can’t have fallen out of favour with the people, can I? Surely no-one would let a little bit of anti-semitism present in Labour or my sitting on the fence regarding Brexit affect their view of me?”
He concluded, “No, my invite must have got lost in the post, that’s it. Still, there are a few weeks before it kicks off, right?
“Oh, it’s already started? Shit.”