Russian president Vladimir Putin has told the Financial Times that the West’s move to the dark side is now almost complete and that it should accept its inevitable destiny.
Speaking to the FT, President Putin said, “My interference in Brexit and the election of Trump, the banking crash, ignorance, petty nationalism, a woeful lack of historical knowledge, and a complete misunderstanding of the international order have all come together to corrupt the West. The hate is swelling there now.
“Liberalism is dead, there is now only darkness, but their hate has made them powerful. They should use it!
“Their journey is now almost complete, they should give in to the dark side and join me.
Responding, British Prime minister Theresa May said, “I feel so conflicted, I haven’t slept for days and when I do I keep having dreams about something terrible happening to Philip.
“I used to trust my old mentors, Heseltine and Clarke, but I am starting to see them for what they are. They are trying to stop me, to make me go against my inner-most feelings, only Putin truly understands how I feel.
“When I look back to episode one of my life, I realise it was truly horrific and embarrassing, a total let down symbolised by me flying my landspeeder through fields of wheat. I cringe at the thought of it.
“Now though, I feel a new power rising within me. It’s time for me to kill our youngling’s future by crashing the UK out of the EU without a deal.”