Concern was growing across the country last night as it was revealed that Transport Secretary Chris Grayling has been quiet for a while, leading many to suspect he might be working on a plan.
As Chris Grayling’s previous ‘plans’ included banning books in prison, giving a ferry contract to a ferry company with no ferries, and privatising the probation service, there is considerable alarm at the prospect.
“At times of Tory Party tumult, you normally see Grayling all over the telly suckling up to whoever is charge,” explained Simon Williams, Professor of cock-ups at Cambridge University.
“But he’s been nowhere, which is a real worry, as it could mean he’s working on a plan to mine cheese from the moon or the electrification of the monarchy, or something equally Grayling-esque.”
There is no indication that Mr Grayling is currently working on anything, although earlier in the year, he floated an idea to replace trains with long lines of horses tethered together, but that came to nothing.
He also has a lifelong ambition to introduce a regulation colour for stones, but that wouldn’t fit with his current role as Transport Secretary.
“We do know he had a Brexit plan that involved a short war with Belgium, but even Theresa May wasn’t desperate enough to try that,” continued Professor Williams.
“I just wish we knew what he was up to.”
Whatever the cause for Mr Grayling’s low-profile, colleagues in the House of Commons hold their breath as they walk past his office, terrified that they will hear the ominous words from within – ‘I’ve actually got a genius plan’.