Thursday 27 June 2019 by Chris Ballard

Most Conservative Party members didn’t watch digital hustings because their grandkids weren’t around to help them log on


Tory member missed social media hustings

All of the Conservative Party members who’ll be voting for our next Prime Minister are far too out of touch with the modern world to have watched the hustings broadcast on Facebook and Twitter.

On Wednesday, evening Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt debated live on social media in an attempt to persuade the Conservative Party faithful that they were the right man to be the nation’s next prime minister

However, the elderly gentlemen who’ll actually be voting have never even heard of Facebook or Twitter. This somewhat undermines the argument that Boris is being subject to scrutiny despite his reluctance to appear on national television.

“Computers? Bah!” said Conservative Party member Simon Williams, 87.

“If I want to abuse women, homosexuals or foreigners I’m perfectly capable of doing it in the street with a rolled up newspaper!

“I’m an Englishman and my home is my castle – the very suggestion that I should have a computer in there letting in all these outside cultural influences and different opinions! They don’t even need to go through passport control.

“From what you’ve told me social media just sounds like illegal immigration with a fancy name.

“Infernal machines! Churchill didn’t need computers to banish the Hun! Why people attach such importance to the bloody things is frankly an enigma.

“What’s that? The Internet has even more exploitative pictures of young women than the Daily Mail?

“Well, why didn’t you say so old chap? Let’s get down to Waterstones so I can buy myself one of these Face Books!”

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