I’ll nuke the whole bloody UK if we don’t leave the EU by 31 October, promises Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson has pledged to annihilate Britain in a nuclear holocaust if we don’t implement Brexit by the end of October.

The UK’s likely next Prime Minister Boris Johnson has promised to implement the will of the people by either taking the country out of the EU by the Halloween deadline or by killing us all in a fiery nuclear inferno.

“It’s very clear to me that the majority of British citizens would rather die than remain in the EU,” said Johnson.

“People have had enough. It’s been three years since they voted very clearly to leave based on an extremely clear and universally understood definition of what that meant.

“Now it’s ‘do or die’.  Nobody wants to even exist if it means living under the shadow of EU fishing quotas. Who in their right mind would want to bring children into a world where you don’t have to queue up for hours at European borders to go on a short holiday?

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“Leave means leave! If we can’t leave the EU by the 31st October then we shall all leave this earthly realm! I give you my word!”

British person Simon Williams isn’t too worried.

“Luckily Boris’ word is worth about as much as a Green Shield Stamp in a Monte Carlo casino,” he said.

“So I won’t be building a fallout shelter just yet.

“I’m fairly confident Johnson will be toppled by a vote of no confidence when he makes it look like Theresa May had all the persuasive powers of Derren Brown.”