Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

author avatar by 5 years ago

A man who thought crack was the most addictive thing he’d ever have the misfortune to encounter has just stolen a Warhammer player’s bag, we can report.

Simon Williams, who turned to petty crime to fund a debilitating addiction, has literally no idea what is about to hit him.

Williams, who was hoping the bag might contain some electronic gear he could quickly sell for easy cash, was surprised to discover several hundred gaudily-painted figures, a large plastic robot and a bucket full of six-sided dice and was instantly hooked.

“I thought crystal meth was more-ish, and then I discovered the Thousand Sons,” said a clearly distraught Williams.

“Now I’ve got fifteen shades of blue paint and I want more. Can I get help for this?

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“I long for the happy days when our crack house was just a regular squalid den of depravity and there was nobody painting a beastman army or arguing over deployment rules.

“Now when I talk about shooting up someone shouts WAAAGH at me, which has ruined the formerly classier ambience.

“The only way I’m going to fund this is by dealing hooky Ultramarines from the back of my car outside schools.”