Wednesday 26 June 2019

Queen refusing to let Charles have the top job until he ditches all that homeopathy bullshit


Queen refusing to give Charles the top job

The Queen has insisted she has no intention of abdicating and letting Charles become King until he gives up believing in nonsense like homeopathy.

As Charles became the patron of the ‘Faculty of Homeopathy’ – which despite the name has nothing to do with a proper hospital – many have been left questioning if the Queen will ever let him have a go.

Her Majesty told reporters, “Jesus H Christ, what fucking nonsense has he got himself mixed up in now?

“I can sort of let him have the whole ‘talking to plants’ thing, because although it’s nonsense and makes him look like a bit of an idiot, it’s entirely harmless – but homeopathy tricks gullible people into avoiding proper medicine. That shit kills through ignorance. There are homeopaths claiming it treats conditions like cancer and HIV, those people should be in jail, not making friends with the heir to the throne.

“How can we have a king that is so gullible as to believe that water has a memory? I mean, I tried not to raise a simpleton, but sometimes the genetic lottery deals you a shitty hand.

“It’s getting to the point where he’s making Andrew look like the sensible one. Seriously.”

Meanwhile, medical professionals have insisted that sick people should talk to medical professionals, not snake-oil salesmen selling pills that they claim can remember what they were in a previous life.

Dr Simon Williams told us, “A homeopath will sell you pills to cure your cold for ten quid, then claim success when you get better – because no-one ever gets better from a cold, right? So what’s the harm in that I hear you ask?

“Well, the harm comes when you believe it works and use it to treat actual illnesses that require medication – because that’s when it becomes clear it’s nonsense, but often too late.

“All we need now is for Charles to out himself as anti-vax and I think the move towards a Republic could gain all the support it needs.”

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