Man who was left baffled when supermarket moved the eggs still harbours belief he could have been a spy

author avatar by 5 years ago

A man confounded by his local supermarket when they moved the eggs to a different aisle, still harbours the belief that he would have made an excellent spy for the security services.

Simon Williams, 29 – who was unable to find the eggs for his weekly shop without asking the girl restocking the baked beans – still genuinely feels that he has the requisite mental faculties and physical attributes to have travelled the world as an international spy for the British intelligence services.

“I always saw myself as someone who would thrive as an MI6 asset,” he told us by the bread while he waited to ask someone where the ‘long thin stick-shaped loaves are’.

“I just think I have a natural aptitude for that sort of thing, you know? Seeing things, noticing stuff, seducing women – I could have done all of that.

“I think MI6 have missed a trick by not recruiting me. Here I am wasting my time in the supermarket waiting for someone to show me where the eggs are, when I could be stealing the plans to a nuclear reactor in Iran, or posing as a weapons dealer in Monte Carlo.

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“I’m not saying a career in office admin is unrewarding, I just know I’m capable of so much more and… oh excuse me a sec… yes, the long thin loaves, like a stick, do you have them? Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. A french stick? No, I’d prefer an English one please.

“Anyway, where was I? Yes, I’m still young, so who knows when MI6 will knock on my door and admit they’ve made a mistake.”

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