Tuesday 25 June 2019 by Davywavy

Donald Trump attacks mayor of Midsomer on Twitter after latest spate of murders


Donald Trump launches attack on Mayor of Midsomer

The sleepy Cotswold town of Midsomer is international news today after the President of the United States raised the ‘astonishingly high’ murder rate on Twitter, and said its Mayor was a ‘loser’.

“On average there are two murders a week in Midsomer, the first at about half-past four on Tuesday afternoon and the second just before the adverts,” Trump tweeted.

“The failing police service and council need to do more to protect their people!”, he added.

Midsomer, which has a population of 297, is known for having the highest per-capita murder rate of any region in Britain – with more than twice its population being found face-down with a knife in their back in the arboretum or crushed by a runaway wheel of cheese every year.

Reports from the town indicate the murder rate is over 200%, making the town even more dangerous than Mogadishu or Medellin – a statistic sized upon by President Trump to show that British emergency services and public sector are ‘failing’.

American commenters have jumped on the tweet, insisting that the citizenry of Midsomer would be better able to protect themselves if they were armed – although top policeman DCI Tom Barnaby is reported to have gone white and needed to sit down with a hot cup of tea for more than half an hour at the suggestion.

Locals suggest that although reports say most murders are carried about by incomers from the new estate, in reality, the murderer usually turns out to be the embittered ex-girlfriend of him up at the big house.

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