Boris Johnson wakes from massive bender hoping he didn’t do anything stupid

author avatar by 5 years ago

Boris Johnson has woken from a four-day bender this morning and expressed a hope he didn’t do anything he might regret whilst hammered.

The Prime Ministerial hopeful staggered groggily from his bed, knocking over a small pile of traffic cones and vaguely wondering where the policewoman’s cap came from, before going to get himself a pint of water.

Johnson went out on the lash on Friday night to celebrate being in the last two candidates to the leadership, and things have been a bit foggy ever since.

He reports the last thing he really remembers is being refused access to a flight to Glasgow for being too drunk, and suggested that if you’re too drunk to get into Glasgow then it’s probably a pretty good night.

“Crumbs, my head,” he is reported to have said.

“Never again. I swear to God, never again.

“Where did that sheep come from?” he wondered. “What day is it again?

“I didn’t do anything that might get me into trouble, did I? It’s all a bit of a blur. Nothing like that time about Liverpool?”

At the time of writing Boris has just being handed a copy of the Evening Standard  and is reported to have said, “Oh, cripes.”