Boris Johnson has today spoken out to insist that “leave means leave” is no way an explicit instruction to anyone.
After hearing the word leave screamed at him several times while at home with his girlfriend, Johnson insisted that the term is open to interpretation and anyone screaming “leave!” could also have meant they secretly want him to remain.
“Circumstances change, and though the word ‘leave’ might have been used, I have no doubt that in the cold light of day she will have changed her mind,” explained Boris’s spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“Sometimes people say ‘Leave’ in the heat of the moment, or because they’ve got the wrong end of the stick about a particular issue – it would be foolhardy to make life-affecting decisions in such circumstances.
“As such, it is only right that Boris’ girlfriend is given the opportunity to change her mind and realise that it’s best for everyone if he actually remains in the flat.”
Friends of Boris’ girlfriend have insisted she knew exactly what she was asking for when she shouted for him to ‘Leave’, and that it’s typical of the condescending London elites to suggest she didn’t understand the implications.
“You’re saying she’s stupid and didn’t know what she was asking for, but that’s just typical – you can’t comprehend someone might think they could better off if they left Boris entirely.”
Outside the flat, Boris briefly told us, “What sort of relationship would we have if I didn’t allow her to change her mind?”
As a bag of his clothes thrown from a window landed on his head, he concluded, “She just needs to realise she’s wrong.”