The US President caused controversy when quizzed about what kind of agreement he had made with Mexico over illegal border crossings, by waving a piece of paper and saying he’d show them but the deal was, like, super famous and he had promised to keep things on the QT.
At a press conference on the White House lawn, Donald Trump waved a piece of paper around saying this was proof of how stunning his plan was. He explained they met at a secret Jiu-Jitsu camp ran by Connor McGregor.
“She was super impressed because I beat Connor even though I’d broken my ankle skateboarding. He made me a teacher after that and told me I could be the first white man to get a triple black belt.
“Then the immigration plan came on to me but I didn’t want to restrict myself to one plan. So she said she was totally fine if I made deals with Canada or whatever and actually she’d love to join in.
“I’ve already said too much and you guys aren’t mature enough to handle all the cool ways we dealt with illegal entries. But the deal says she’d never been signed like that before. Spent all weekend recovering from the ink loss, if you know what I mean.”
Mr Trump finished the press conference by inviting Fox News journalists to come play paintball with him.
“Don’t worry. I’ll let you win. The activities centre said if I kept scoring headshots they would make me pay the professionals fee they charge for Special Forces.”