Sunday 2 June 2019 by Dave Doink

Seasonal migrant workers help transform Liverpool into European superpower


Liverpool Champions League winners

Liverpool has become a European superpower, thanks to an influx of seasonal migrant workers used to increase its productivity.

Last night the English city established itself as number one on the continent, overtaking places such as Barcelona, Paris and Naples during the past 12 months.

“I suppose that’s what happens when you accept that the Germans are simply better at running things and more reliable at getting everything properly organised,” said Scouser Stanley Prescott.

“The English lads were boss, obviously, but there’s no way we could ever take on Europe by ourselves without looking for some seasonal migrant workers to supplement the workforce.  They’ve got a great work ethic, and a team of English workers simply wouldn’t be up to the job.

“There’s a nice bit of Muslim integration in there too.

“No doubt there will be people who insist these migrant workers are stealing opportunities from British workers, but the simple fact is that none of them is willing to do all that running up front for Liverpool for the measly sum of seventy-grand a week.”

While Chelsea and North London have also enjoyed an upsurge recently, not all Reds shared Prescott’s assessment.

“Are you watching Manchester?” blurted Grimsby-based superfan Ronnie Pertwee, whose only visit to Anfield was on a school trip in 1989.

“Those lads what won it are the decent ones who get this country the proper way, not like the grumpy bloke who runs the Polish corner shop down my road, or David De Gea.

“The sooner we send these other bastards back the better! You’ll never walk alone!”

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