‘As long as they don’t reset my ex’s password’ says man after Netflix announce price increase

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Netflix has announced it will raise its fees for UK customers, a fact that Simon Williams from Hastings couldn’t give two fucks about, as long as they don’t mess around with his ex-girlfriend’s password settings, so he can keep using her subscription for the third straight year in a row.

Simon insisted that any time Netflix reviewed it’s pricing he worried that his ex-girlfriend would stop paying for it.

He told us, “Sally was a really special girl. She had Netflix, obviously, Amazon prime, Sky Movies and all the Sports channels. All of my other girlfriends – okay, girlfriend – only had freeview.

“Being with Sally, I literally never had to leave the house. Or work. Or speak. Or observe basic levels of hygiene. Which is probably why she dumped me, to be honest.

“In my defence, we were together for over seven weeks and although I was still living with my parents at the time, technically it was our Netflix account.

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“No, I didn’t pay for any of it, but I would buy the ginsters’ pasties and packet of revels from the garage on movie night, once a month.

“Also, it’s just Netflix. I don’t watch her Sky TV – well, not after she unsubscribed from everything other than the food and lifestyle channels. Who gives a shit about how to make Asian street food, anyway?

“I think a therapist might conclude that I’m only doing it because subliminally, I still harbour feelings for her.

Therapist, Daniel Smith said, “Nope. He’s just a chintzy twat.”