Thursday 30 May 2019 by Arabin Patson

People’s Vote breakthrough as Corbyn says he’s ‘not bothered anyway so whatevs’


Corbyn on people's vote

Jeremy Corbyn has finally pledged he would support a People’s Vote because it’s no skin off his nose and he couldn’t give a toss what you do and anyway he’s busy with super important stuff about the many and the few.

The Labour Party leader made the declaration outside his Islington home while he was sitting on his bike and smoking something in a cupped hand. Mr Corbyn avoided eye contact with journalists and declared there’s no drama but people just need to stop doing his head in.

He explained, “Keir’s giving it lip like they got me to back down but they’re just talking shit because I don’t care.

“I was never against a second referendum. Actually, it was my idea ages ago but I thought it was a bit wank so I dropped it. But then they begged like mugs so I said they can have it if they stopped throwing a wobbly.”

He also denied his concession on an eventual second referendum was a blow to his authority.

“I don’t see anyone else with the Party Leader business cards. I’m the one going to Dublin and Leo Varadkar said he saw me as the real PM anyway and he promised we’ll drink poteen which is like 120% proof and more illegal than heroin.

“But if anyone is feeling tasty they can ask Alastair what happened when you fuck with me.

“Crying? I’m not crying! I’ll make you fucking cry if you want to start something! Anyway, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you muppets.”

Mr Corbyn then pulled a twenty-yard wheelie before cycling away.

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