Wednesday 29 May 2019 by Arabin Patson

Electric scooters overtake Audis as vehicle of choice for utter pricks


electric scooters

A recent study has sent shockwaves in the transport world, as 54% of narcissistic wankers said they were eschewing Audi cars in favour of small electric scooters when informing the world that they are complete arseholes.

The University of Croydon’s Sociology Department undertook the study following anecdotal evidence that oblivious fuckwits whizzing along the pavement were even more loathed than people who think a German brand is a substitute for a personality.

Professor Amanda Tinnock explained that the findings signified a huge change in the staid world of dickhead mobility.

She told us, “We often assume that a buy-to-let landlord in an Audi is the purest personification of an irredeemable cunt.

“But the way our cities have been swamped by bellends silently zooming around completely oblivious to the people they put at risk, has changed that.

“Unlike Audi-driving wankstains, these fuckers can access whole new areas like parks or pedestrian zones. And riding a scooter instantly makes you look like a self-absorbed shit, particularly when coupled with Airpods.”

However, many Audi drivers, such as Basildon tanning salon manager Simon Williams, claim scooters are a passing fad that only attracts fashionista knobs.

He said, “Scooter riders are fair weather tosspots. Whereas come rain or shine, I am out there in my A4, cutting people off, tailgating anyone in front of me, using high beams and parking wherever I want.

“Brands mean something. Reputations are easy to acquire but hard to maintain. Scooters will go the way of the bluetooth earpiece. We all thought those were the be-all and end-all of twattishness and where are they now?

“People will forget about scooters but Audi drivers will have people making the wanker gesture for decades to come.”

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