Make me part of EU negotiations, says man who never turns up to meetings with EU

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Nigel Farage, more full of himself than a Russian doll after the Brexit Party’s success in the European elections, has insisted that he should be a key part of future Brexit negotiations with the EU despite the fact that as an MEP he never actually attends any meetings.

The MEPs representing the UK have an opportunity to shape EU policies; to find common ground with other countries whilst ensuring British interests are considered.

In other words, all the benefits of membership without any of the economic mayhem of being on the outside looking in.

However, despite his patriotic rhetoric Nigel Farage MEP doesn’t care about British interests, just his own. He has openly admitted that the last thing he wants is to help the EU “look sensible”.

So he doesn’t bother attending things like the EU fisheries committee of which he is a member.

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It’s slightly odd then, given his total lack of ‘give and take’ and his refusal to engage in diplomatic niceties, that he feels he should be allowed to travel to Brussels in order to represent Britain in the next round of Brexit negotiations.

“Utter contempt is not a useful negotiating strategy,” said political analyst Simon Williams.

“The EU know Farage and they consider him a fool. What better way to be taken even less seriously than we already are than by sending a Farage into negotiations dressed in his khakis, pith helmet atop his head, insults spewing out of his mouth?

“After the comic ineptitude of Theresa May, the EU are probably expecting negotiations to go up a gear. They’re probably not anticipating that gear to be in a clown car with a musical horn, an exhaust that blows bubbles and wheels that fall off when someone starts the engine.”