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The Iron Bank of Braavos is in line for a huge bailout after executives engaged in ‘highly risky speculation’ in the fortunes of House Lannister, it has emerged.
The bank is reported to have insufficient capital reserves to weather a downtown in the Westerosi market, after it lent ‘huge chests of gold’ to both houses Baratheon and Lannister who failed to repay the debt, largely due there not being anyone left to do so.
Representatives of the bank are understood to have met with the government to ask for help, as otherwise ‘ordinary customers will not be able to get their bags of gold out of the vaults’ when the bank opens for business tomorrow.
“It’s awkward, but it turns out that our risk assessment mechanisms failed to take into account gigantic fire-breathing lizards, or everyone dying in a brutal bloodbath,” said bank spokesman Simen Willyems.
“To be honest, it was a mistake anyone might have made. It’s what you might call a ‘black dragon’ event.
“Anyway, the short version is that we’ve lost all the money so if we’re not bailed out you’re all entirely fucked.”
Opponents of the move say that the bank should be allowed to go bankrupt, or taken into public ownership in return for the bailout.
“As usual when things go wrong it’s the ordinary people who pay for the mistakes of faceless men,” we were told.
“The government should do away with banks and simply print its own gold. There’s no way that could go wrong.”
