Brexit Party demands seat at the negotiating table they insist the UK should walk away from

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Brexit Party, whose sole declared policy was to leave the EU without any sort of deal, has claimed that the result of the EU elections means they should be involved in the negotiations they think should not take place.

Brexit Party spokesman, Simon Williams, echoed his leader’s demands by reiterating his leader’s position.

“We know the trick to getting what you want is to storm out the room, as my children will all tell you. And there are few people more experienced at not showing up for EU meetings than Nigel.

“We were the dominant party in the EU elections, so although we can’t impact on so much as a bin collection schedule in the UK, we should be on a higher footing than parties with actual MPs.”

Mr Williams denied his party’s MEPs were unsuited for the highly delicate task of extricating the UK from the EU.

“That’s nonsense. The Brexit process needs to be taken out of the hands of career politicians. That’s why we need fresh blood involved, like Anne Widdecombe.

“Plus we can rely on our MEPs’ wealth of diverse experience such as bankrupting care homes, denying war crimes in Bosnia, tax avoidance or being Jacob Rees-Mogg’s sister.

“We don’t need so-called expertise. We will just use the slogans that our followers believe in because it’s the same asinine tripe they say to their teenage grandkids when giving unsolicited advice on how to pass GSCE’s.

“We all know how complex problems resolve themselves when people are told to get on with it by closet racists with gout.”