Friday 24 May 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Theresa May’s leaving do just her drinking scotch through a straw while crying


Theresa May leaving do

Theresa May’s leaving do is to be a quiet affair – consisting of just her.

The embattled Prime Minister has announced she will resign on June 7th, at which point Michael Gove and Boris Johnson immediately circulated an e-mail entitled “Theresa leaving bash/leadership campaign launch”.

However, Theresa May will forego the usual Tory leader farewell shindig, which typically consists of an afternoon in a Wetherspoon’s followed by an evening of goading the homeless into fighting for food.

“The PM has opted for a bottle of Glenlivet, a straw, Morrisey’s first solo album and a dark corner in which to cry” confirmed Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“She’s choosing to spend the night alone- it’s not that she invited people who refused to come or anything.

“I mean for me, that’s a cracking night, but for her, I think it’s reflective of the absolute tunnel of shit she’s had to crawl through for the last year.

“I would feel bad for her but I’m a thoughtful person, so I can’t.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: