Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party bus was surrounded by men carrying milkshakes and iced lattes yesterday, a harrowing ordeal which has inspired the production of a new horror film by a leading Hollywood studio.
The milkshake hordes are closing in on all sides. A group of right-wing wankers are trapped on a bus. Just one splash and they too will become milkshakes.
Welcome to ‘Night of the Living Milkshakes,’ the next big cinematic event in the horror genre.
“I’ve been lucky enough to read the script,” said film critic Simon Williams. “A lot more thought has gone into it than the Brexit Party manifesto, which is to say it was obviously written last night by someone sitting on the toilet.
“It’s actually quite clever. These xenophobic twats want to leave the bus. But they’re trapped by animated milkshakes who prey on fascists and racists. So they want to leave, but they can’t – and they’re extremely frustrated about that fact. You see? Clever.
“These bellends start bickering about the best course of action. Some want to make a break for it by driving right through the shuffling milkshake masses while others want to paint slogans on the side of the bus to fool the milkshakes; slogans such as ‘Go away, there is nobody on this bus’.
“The film is of course based on Romero’s 1968 masterpiece Night of the Living Dead, famous for having a lead hero character who was black – groundbreaking at the time.
“The new film also ends with a black protagonist saving the day. He simply gets on the bus and the appalled racists immediately jump off into their sugary, milky destinies.
“The film ends with the right-wingers – now milkshakes themselves – staggering about the city, hurling themselves and their vile contents at the vulnerable and disenfranchised whenever they get the opportunity.”