Thursday 23 May 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen


Polling station conspiracy

A huge and complex rigging of the EU election has fallen apart at the seams thanks to ‘switched on’ Brexit supporters who have discovered the wonder of pens.

The government, the Rothschilds, the lizard people and/or the Royal Family had all nailed down a foolproof rigging system to ensure that the UK would only send pro-remain MEPs to serve inside the EU.

“But now the bastards are using pens!” cried Simon Williams, Head of Conspiracy over at MI5.

“We can’t use rubbers on pens, believe me, I’ve just given it a go. The votes of Brexiters and Tommy Robinson supporters might actually be counted now!

“We had planned this conspiracy down to the finest detail, right down to replacing elderly polling station attendees with pro-EU robots and making sure only registered people could vote.

“But then some meddling on twunt on Facebook suggested we all use pens and now the damn thing has gone viral.

“We didn’t think the general public even had ACCESS to pens, let alone the wherewithal and opposable thumbs necessary to actually use them.

“We’re fucked. We are absolutely fucked. This is Harold Wilson all over again.”

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