Jeremy Renner to play Tommy Robinson in “No Country for Brown Men”

author avatar by 5 years ago

Tommy Robinson’s ‘thugs to riches’ story is getting the Hollywood treatment.

Following a slew of allegedly high-profile incidents which basically amount to banging on prison vans or the doors of journalists, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon will be immortalised on the silver screen.

“It’s the tale of Stephen Robinson’s rise from lowly football thug to the darling of the British far-right,” confirmed studio executive, Simon Williams.

“From his assaulting a police officer to instigating a football riot to getting done for mortgage fraud to actively endangering a child abuse trial which he had absolutely no hand in bringing to court – no stone will be left unturned in this extraordinary story of abject twattery.

“We’re very much hoping for some repeat business from certain customers at the cinema – I mean we’re praying for it. It’s the only way we’re going to break even.

“Although a fair few people bought Yaxley Stephens’ book, so you never know.

“We managed to con Jeremy Renner into playing him as he looks a little bit like him. We’re crossing our fingers that he doesn’t google Tommy Robinson, Stephen yaxley-Lennon or any of the other names he’s used in the past few years.”

Jeremy Renner’s agent commented, “Jeremy is very excited to be playing the part of a man he understands to be a shining light of British politics.

“Jeremy’s had a bit of a run of bad luck after being in that rubbish Jason Bourne film and being in The Avengers so little that even I forgot he was in it, so we’re really hoping this is the film to turn his career around.”