Monday 20 May 2019 by Ken Walton

Brexit Party to avoid further unfortunate milkshake incidents with new protective uniform


Brexit party unveils new milkshake proof uniform

After Nigel Farage was the unfortunate victim of yet another milkshake attack, party officials have quickly moved to introduce a new party uniform that will protect wearers from dairy-wielding attackers.

After a Newcastle resident doused the Brexit Party leader in what looked like strawberry milkshake, party insiders said it will be the last such episode, as they will be “ready” next time.

Chief campaign officer Simon Williams told us, “We have been left with no choice but to introduce this new uniform, and you should read nothing into the fact that we had them all ready to go with just a few minutes notice.

“The patent-pending fabric liquid repellent and also keeps the wearer cool if they happen to find themselves stood next to some burning material and significant flames.

“The conical shape of the hood has been ergonomically designed to ensure any liquids will run off over the shoulder area and away from the eyes, while the high point of the hood will make sure people know where our speaker is in a crowd. Should we ever manage to actually attract one.”

Supporters of the party have mostly welcomed the move, but some are slightly conflicted as the new uniform could be considered a little ‘burkha-ish’.

Brexit party support Graham Matthews told us, “Isn’t it a bit… well… reminiscent of what that brown lot wear? Aren’t we supposed to be better than them?

“I mean, I get why they feel they need to protect themselves, so it’s fair enough I suppose – but on the plus side, at least it’s white.”

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