Ahead of his inevitable appointment to the position of Prime Minister, Boris Johnson is reportedly planning some home developments for Number Ten.
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is understood to have already submitted plans to Westminster City Council to bring the official residence of the Prime Minister more in line with the tastes of a randy former Bullingdon member.
A source within Westminster City Council told us, “Within minutes of Boris Johnson’s announcement yesterday that he would be throwing his hat into the leadership ring, we received a hand-delivered envelope containing a planning application request to make a number of changes at Ten Downing street.
“The accompanying letter began with a Latin phrase that roughly translated to ‘My desires are…unconventional’ and it just got even weirder from there.
“He wants all the usual stuff – jacuzzis, sauna and steam rooms and a small pool – but there are also plans in there for cells complete with chains, some beds and racks and a load of fixtures and fittings that I haven’t the faintest clue what they’ll be used for.
“Just giving the plans a quick glance over made me feel dirty.
“And I still can’t fathom why he needs a pig pen, either.”